Hope of Glory Ministries

Un-forgiveness

Matt 18:21-35 (KJV)

The parable of the unforgiving servant

Matt 18:21-35 (KJV)

21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. 23 Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. 24 And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents. 25 But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. 27 Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. 28 But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellow servants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. 29 And his fellow servant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. 30 And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt. 31 So when his fellow servants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. 32 Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: 33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellow servant, even as I had pity on thee? 34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. 35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses. Matt 18:21-35 (KJV)

Often God uses parables of things in the natural to teach of things in the spiritual. In this parable the Lord says that we too would be turned over to the tormenters, in this he is speaking of spiritual torment. God has forgiven us who have accepted him as our Lord and have asked him into our hearts. But he says to us if we do not forgive then we won't be forgiven. So when Jesus defeated hell so we could be forgiven, Satan lost his right to accuse and torment. Likewise when we refuse to forgive the enemy gains an advantage to get his foot in and develop a stronghold. He is always looking to gain advantage in our lives and un-forgiveness is the open door in this case.

We often hear ministers and Christians alike say I bind this devil and I loose this thing or that thing because the bible says that Jesus has given us the keys to the kingdom of heaven to bind and to loose. Look at Matthew again

Mt 16:19 And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

Mt 18:18 Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.(KJV)

This passage shows us that by our own actions we bind and loose things in the spirit realm. In other words your actions affect how things go in the spirit realm. When there is unforgivenes in your heart toward others it looses torment in the spirit realm to come and bind you.

1Jo 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

Along with torment there is fear. When you love and forgive others it binds up torment and looses peace.

Typically when there is unforgiveness there is also bitterness. Look at what the bible says about bitterness.

Heb 12:14-15 (KJV)

14 Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:

15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

James3:14-18(KJV)

14But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth.

15 This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish.

16 For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.

17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.

18 And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.

(KJV)

Envy and strife is the result of unforgiveness, and self pity, it brings with it every evil thing and opens the door for confusion. But if we walk as the Lord would have us to walk we will be merciful to those around us, even those who have hurt us. When we forgive, we loose mercy upon ourselves. That is why the bible tells us to pray for our enemies. The heart of God is mercy. Our God is a God of love and he desires to extend mercy and grace to us, but God is also a just God. To say he is a just God means he judges with righteous judgment.

Matthew5: 44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?

47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?

48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

(KJV)

Romans12: 16 Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.

17 Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.

18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.

21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.(KJV)

Look here in Corinthians what Paul writes to the Church at Corinth

2 Cor 2:10-11 (KJV)

10 To whom ye forgive any thing, I forgive also: for if I forgave any thing, to whom I forgave it, for your sakes forgave I it in the person of Christ;

11 Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices.

A Warning to you who refuse to forgive.

In my times of ministry to others I often meet people who have been severely abused and rejected by people that were supposed to have loved them. When I tell them they need to forgive often times they will say to me some of the following things.

1) “I cannot forgive them because what they did was wrong.”

2) “If I forgive them that’s like saying that what they did was ok, and it is not ok.

3) They were wrong to do this to me, so why should I forgive them.”,

4) “They were wrong to hurt me like that, I hope they go to hell.”

I would like to take some time now to address those types of comments.

First of all we need to recognize the fact that of course it is wrong to hurt others. If it weren’t wrong they would not need to be forgiven. Forgiving somebody does not negate the fact that what they did was wrong, but it releases them from the debt they owe us. Releasing them from the debt allows us to remove the anger and bitterness from our hearts that we have toward them. Often I hear people say “I hope that person ends up in hell for what they did to me”. Wow what an evil heart full of bitterness to say such a thing. Have you ever really considered just what all that entails. Somebody hurt you, maybe it was a one time occasion maybe it was abuse that lasted many years and now you’re angry, full of bitterness you desire this person to be tormented in a lake of fire forever. Your heart is full of hatred toward that person, and you wish they were dead and burning in hell for what they did. Look at the following scriptures concerning your hatred.

1John 2:9 He that saith he is in the light, and hateth his brother, is in darkness even until now.

1John 2:11 But he that hateth his brother is in darkness, and walketh in darkness, and knoweth not whither he goeth, because that darkness hath blinded his eyes.

Hatred blinds the eyes of mankind so that he cannot see his own evil heart.

Jer 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

1John 3:15 Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.

The bible says if you hate others, you are a murderer, that makes you like the one who hurt you or worse. After all in your heart you’ve desired them to burn in hell. Is that not far worse than what was done to you?

Matthew 7:1

1 ¶ Judge not, that ye be not judged.

2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?

5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

James 5:9 Grudge not one against another, brethren, lest ye be condemned: behold, the judge standeth before the door.

1John 4:20 If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?

(KJV)

If we hold hatred in our hearts toward our fellow man the bible says the following about you.

1) You are a murderer 1John 3:15 2 )You are a liar 1John 4:20

3) You are a hypocrite Matthew 7:5 4) You are in darkness 1John 2:11

5) You do not love God 1John 4:20

Wow, that seems awful harsh to say all that, but consider it truthfully.

Forgiveness is the solution to the problem.

The bible commands us to love one another,

1John 4:7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.

8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.

9 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.

Could you imagine standing at the foot of the cross and seeing Jesus hanging on the cross as he was dying and tell Jesus that you will not forgive those who hurt you even though he was dying to forgive them, but that he should forgive you because you had not done what they had done? Is desiring a person to die and go to hell less than what has been done to you? Consider abuses, and betrayals like the ones so many of us have faced. Are any of those worse than hell? Consider those who have hurt you. Could you really ask a Holy God to let them suffer in hell for eternity but save you? We are talking about a torment that never ends. There is no hope for those in hell. How can we ask God to forgive us and not them also?

Hatred is like a poison to your very soul. It devours you from within and left to its own devices it makes you to act and be like the thing you hate. I heard one minister say it like this. Hatred is the poison we drink in hopes that somebody else might get sick and die.

Unforgiveness and hatred open the door for bitterness and bitterness opens the door for all kinds of things.

Unforgiveness causes one to be bitter (root of bitterness)

Heb 12:14-15 (KJV)

14 Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:

15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

Look what happens:

The bible says out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.

Mt 12:34 O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.

Lu 6:45 A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.

(KJV)

Emotions Directed Inward Unforgiveness/Bitterness Emotions Directed Outward

Self pity	Anger
Self hatred, depression, despair ,grief that	Hatred toward others, rebellion ,rage
Seems to never end, sadness that wont lift,	Violence, resentment, retaliation, murder
Emptiness, sorrow, discouragement,	Pride, stubbornness, un-teachable,
Hopelessness, self accusation,	Selfishness, selfwilled , pride,
Self rejection, guilt, condemnation, shame	Self delusional, self deception, distrust
Unworthiness, withdrawal, etc.	Jealousy etc.
Fear Torment Victim Vivid memories of the past Victimizer
Paranoia and Distrust Paranoia and Distrust
The most common outward manifestations of the inward turmoil.
This kind of person often falls into the role of victim. Often times becoming involved in relationship where they are abused repeatedly. Every victim must have a villain and in this situation whether the victim is real or perceived to be real, relationships are continually sabotaged in an effort to show the other person what a villain they are. This brings on rejection and begins a cycle of relationship, then sabotage, then rejection. This cycle continues and perpetuates itself, thereby “proving” to the victim that their suspicions were correct concerning their villains and the world really is a cold cruel place to be. The propensity for suicide is high. This individual is usually hypersensitive and often perceives rejection that doesn’t exist. This false perception of rejection causes them to accuse others falsely which in turn often brings about the rejection they feared, thus rejection begets rejection	Often times this person looks at the world as though, they have been cheated by life. In their minds, other people deserve to be hurt. The world and life owes them for all the pain they suffered. If the cycle is not stopped, they often become abusive to others. Relationships suffer and everyone around them suffers. In severe cases they may become so delusional that they can justify in their own minds their aggressiveness toward others, such as pedophilia, rape and incest, child abuse, murder, and thievery. Typically they are searching for “power” and many fall prey to the occult in search of that power. In cases of rape and incest odd as it may seem to be, sexual gratification is not the principle quest. On the contrary the quest is for complete and total dominance, that is brought on by an overwhelming sense of anger coupled with a feeling of powerlessness.

In both of the above groups, it is not uncommon to find that low self esteem, insecurity and fear(torment) rules the lives of these people. Fear of life and fear of people often cause them to have an inward desire to “stay in control” of the situation and the people around them. When fearful situations arise that cause them to become uncomfortable and feel out of control these individuals will often seek to regain control in various methods.
Some Common Tendencies Directed Inward (from above chart) Directed Outward
Those in this group often have a tendency to manipulate with guilt tactics, using pouting sulking, and crying, withholding favor, giving others the “silent treatment”, Placing blame and shame on those they seek to control. Often they will use sickness or some other “needy” situation to gain the favor or attention of others. There is a high rate in the number of people in this group who repeatedly become involved in the receiving end of relationships that are abusive in nature.	Those in this group often have a tendency to manipulate with fear tactics, threats of violence or harm, inflicted upon those they seek to control or the loved ones of those they seek to control and also actual violence inflicted upon the same, often isolating their victims from family and friends and shifting the blame to others. They may stalk and spy on those they desire to control. They may withhold finances and food or medical attention.

Bear in mind that the descriptions of the behaviors mentioned in these two groups are simply tendencies that commonly occur in people who have suffered prolonged abuse and by no means do they occur in all people who suffer abuse or pain in their lives. We should therefore by no means label people collectively with such things, to do so would be entirely unjust. People are unique individuals and must be considered as such. Each of us have been affected both positively and negatively by events in our lives and it is important that we understand that it is not the event that determines the outcome, but that it is the response to the event that determines its effect upon us. Each of us must choose how to respond to the stimuli in our lives. How we choose to respond to that stimuli determines the effect it has on our lives and on our personalities.


The Good News : God is bigger than our messes. In fact He specializes in messes. No person is such a messed up individual that God cannot fix the mess. Jesus died on the cross to redeem us from the power of darkness and gave us power and authority over the forces of darkness so that when we find our selves a mess or in a mess it doesn’t mean we have to stay that way! Praise God that he can heal the broken hearted.

The word of God promises us that God will take what the devil has meant for harm and use it for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. When we love God, we seek to do His will. Forgiveness of others and loving each other is a part of that will.

Several years ago I was working in a daycare center and walking across the playground with a child who fell in front of me and caused me to loose my balance. To keep from falling on the child I had to land with all of my weight on one knee. The playground was covered with gravel and when I stood I found a large gash in my knee that looked as if it needed to be stitched up. Embedded in the torn flesh of my knee was much dirt and gravel. It was extremely painful so much so that I could not bear to clean it and remove all of the gravel that had embedded itself in my knee. I went to the doctor hoping that he would give me some sort of pain medication to help with the pain while he cleaned it, but my hopes were soon dashed to bits as he took a gauze pad and began to scrub me like a raw potato. I wanted so much to reach out and smack that doctor and push his hands away, but I knew that my knee would not heal with all that junk in it. I knew if I left it there it would become infected and fester up with pus and yuck. I clenched my teeth and watched as he scrubbed and dug out the gravel and dirt. Now you are wondering what all of this has to do with unforgiveness.

In life, often times we crash and fall and we get hurt. Mankind is imperfect and because of our general imperfection our love is imperfect too. It is unrealistic to think that we can go through life and never be hurt even by folks who love us. When we are hurt and wounded sometimes it is necessary to reach down deep into our hearts and pull out that which doesn’t belong. Like the dirt and the hard pieces of gravel in my knee, sometimes we when we are hurt and wounded we have “dirty things that don’t belong and hard things that need to be removed from our hearts so that they can begin to heal. Things like unforgiveness and anger, hatred and bitterness are hindrances to the healing process.

It is not necessary to go to that person and say to them “I forgive you.” Chances are they don’t even know you have anything against them and sometimes it simply opens the door for them to be angry with you for implying that they had any possible guilt to be forgiven of. Many may simply deny any wrong doing at all. At times it does bring healing to a relationship to go to another and say “I forgive you”, but often times it only serves to complicate matters.

Forgiveness must truly come from the heart, and God both looks upon and knows the heart of man. God knows the heart of man and nothing is by any means hidden from his sight. Forgiveness of others cannot be mere lip service. It requires sincerity. It requires humility.

1Sa 16:7 But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.

Psalm 139:1 ¶ <<To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David.>> O LORD, thou hast searched me, and known me.2 Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.3 Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. 4 For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether.5 Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.

7 ¶ Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?

Consider Jesus:

Php 2:8 And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. ( crucifiction was reserved by the Romans as the worst possible death sentence, because of the humility and pain involved.) Jesus suffered this in our place.

He who has the right to judge us and condemn us has made away of escape for us even paying the very penalty for us, for our sins that we committed against him. Jesus who had every right to judge and condemn us to hell for our sins chose to forgive those who would ask and receive. If the Lord, who is Holy, is willing to do this for us who are so unholy, how much more should we who are so unholy also forgive those others of us who are unholy? Are we better than the Lord that we should not forgive? Are we better than Christ who laid down his life for us that we should hold accountable those who have trespassed against us even though Christ died for them too?